LAB RAT KART RACING
TEACHING CHILDREN TO
TORTURE FOR KICKS
Just like real scientists, claims governor
– see page 175
OLD HORSEY
GENUINE
REPLICA
AUTHENTIC
WORKING
PROHIBITION ERA
DOMESTIC USAGE
BATHTUB GIN STILL
goes on sale this week
Name Too Long Warn Market Watchers
- see page 763
Page 7
October 30, 1998
TELEVISION
SWAPMEET
SEASON STARTS TONIGHT
e Weasel network is
pinning all of its ratings hopes
on its powerful ursday evening
pinch hitter – Swapmeet – which
makes its season premier tonight.
is nine season all-star has kept
Weasel heading up rankings in
its divisional topping, pennant
chasing, metaphor mixing
mayhem.
Okay, so I wanted to be in
sports and ended up in TV, but I
can still write. In fact, I’m going
to write a novel one day and prove
I’m not just a worthless drunk, and
then where will you be? Sorry you
let me go, that’s where. Anyway,
I’ve got to be honest. Tonight’s
big surprise in Swapmeet,
Lorraine’s pregnancy along with
the charming addition of Sonar
the Dolphin, should keep this
sexually ambiguous situationer,
with all those great haircuts and
apartments, firmly in the number
one place for another year.
While that’s good for
executives at Weasel and
Swapmeet’s attractive cast, one
protest group’s spokesperson
said “Swapmeet encourages
our children to go and live in
communes with friends, suggests
life in the city is fun and rent is
cheap. Quite frankly, this is a
lie. Life is miserable and when
I was in the city, I had to work
the streets to pay my rent. If my
husband knew, he’d divorce me.”
However, other protest groups
are not so sure. “e main issue
with Swapmeet”, said another
spokesman from an entirely
different protest group, “is that it
is awful. e jokes aren’t funny,
the characters aren’t believable
and the set does not look real.
In season two, there was one
joke that made me laugh slightly
but now, four years later, I have
not laughed since. at is a real
crime. Just because the characters
look good and there is a laugh
track does not mean we don’t
need actual jokes. is is teaching
our children the true meaning of
confusion.”
e debate rages on. Swapmeet
is followed by the lamentable
urban meets upscale tale, Bad T
and eo. is laugh-free sitcom
has really overstayed its welcome,
even before it had made its premier.
Watching a bunch of ludicrous
racial stereotypes in some entirely
predictable fish out of water
scenarios just isn’t funny. ❖
